then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I touched a dick in church today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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