She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found the puke drawer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
