Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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