Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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