I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
