I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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