Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
