he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
