I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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