Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
