i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
