Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
