The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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