Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
