I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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