I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
