tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
