he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
