i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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