She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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