I wanna passion pit in your ass
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
