i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
