every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
