When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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