There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
