Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
