if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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