Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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