he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
