At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
