we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
