It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
