She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
