I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
These tits shall not be calmed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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