I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
