life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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