Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I want is dick and wine.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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