I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
