Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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