How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
