Betty ford says i'm here all night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
