its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
