ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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