We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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