I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
