After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how drunk are you?
Several
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
