New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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