You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
