drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
