It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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