Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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