I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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