I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
