so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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