he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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