You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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