Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize