The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
