Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
