dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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