I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
